


Bedtime Story

by BeastOfTheSea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:09:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeastOfTheSea/pseuds/BeastOfTheSea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An abridged tale of two gits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bedtime Story

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, I do not own anything in Harry Potter except for my copies of the books (and I can only find my copies of Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows), and I make no money from this whatsoever. However, I did rip off one interview quote from J.K.R. for comedic purposes. You’ll know it when you see it.

Once upon a time, there was a git. He was a smug, self-righteous git. This one besotted bloke who knew him went around telling everyone, “Oh, he’s the most wonderful, most brilliant git that ever lived!”, so the git liked him very much.

One day, though, the git had to go home and take care of his family, so he had to leave this besotted bloke behind, and he was not happy. No one was telling him how wonderful he was! No one understood his brilliance! No one was giving him trophies! No, the git was not happy at all. But the git was a halfway decent git, or at least felt like being one for a bit, and so took care of his family.

But then, a German git arrived. Now, this German git had been kicked out of a school for nasty people for being too nasty, so you’d think that the git, who looked down his long nose at anybody who wasn’t perfect like he was, wouldn’t have had anything to do with him. As it turns out, though, gits are gits first and everything else second, so the git dropped his family in a flash and went running off to be with the German git. 

Both of them had never seen anyone more of a git than himself before! The gits were so excited! “My God, I never knew there was someone as brilliant as me, as talented as me, as powerful as me!” they exclaimed. “Together, we are unstoppable!” They gazed into each other’s eyes, they holed up for long study sessions together, and they told each other constantly that they were the most wonderful, most brilliant gits that ever lived. 

The gits had never been so happy. “Surely, this is destiny!” they said, because the two of them being together was so wonderful, a higher power had to be behind it. (Now, myself, I don’t know if the Devil counts…) The German git was so happy, in fact, that he told the git all about his plan to take over the world with stuff from a kids’ storybook. “That’s brilliant!” the git cried, and lost the right to sneer at anyone else for being crazy ever again. 

And to this day, the git and the German git are planning to take over the world with a fancy stick, a pretty pebble, and a funny tablecloth. The End. 

Get to sleep now, Ariana. You need your rest.

What? Oh, you don’t have to worry about that – if there were any Muggles under the bed, the goats ate them.

Good night.


End file.
